Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep
photographers help grieving families hold beautiful images of their babies forever
Stephanie Britt’s baby girl, Bella, died just 23 minutes after birth. This special mother daughter portrait was taken by a “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep” infant bereavement photographer after Bella’s death. jesserie leavitt photographer
Imagine you are close to the end of your pregnancy but then you are told devastating news. Your precious little baby, that you have been so anxiously awaiting, is not going to live. All those plans you had, all those dreams for your sweet child, come crashing to an end in an instant.
Years ago, in what now seems like unbearable cruelness, mothers whose children were stillborn or who died shortly after birth were often told to “forget the baby existed” and “it wasn’t meant to be - you’ll have others.” The baby was usually whisked away before the stunned and grieving mother even got a chance to hold her beloved child.
But as every mother who has ever felt a tiny life moving inside her knows, no child is ever forgotten, no matter how long they lived, even if it was only for a few minutes.
Over the decades, infant mortality rates have dropped significantly, but sadly, babies still sometimes die at birth, whether it is from prematurity, illness, or a host of other reasons.
In those dreadful frantic moments, the last thing a parent might be thinking of is having a photographer present.
But “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep,” a national non-profit organization, believes that infant bereavement photography is a wonderful, healing way for parents to remember their children who have gone too soon. As such, the over 7,000 professional photographers nationwide in this group give of their time and talents to take photos of babies who have died, completely free of charge.
“Every mom should be able to have a great portrait of their child. It definitely helps them with the healing process,” Jesserie Leavitt, a Norton photographer and one of the Massachusetts-area coordinators, said emphatically.
The way this works is hospitals, hospices, or even the parents themselves contact an area coordinator to arrange for a photographer to come to the birth facility during, or shortly right after, a delivery. Working quietly and respectfully, the photographer takes a series of shots of the baby with his or her parents and anyone else the family desires, such as siblings or grandparents.
On the NILMDTS Web site, photos and stories are posted attesting to the power of these very special sessions. The photos are not morbid, but exquisite and tender, whether they are of a baby who appears to be peacefully sleeping or of a tiny finger entwined with a parent’s.
The photographers, whose work is all done completely pro-bono, first go through special training sessions to help them deal with what is undoubtedly an emotional time for both family and photographer.
“You have a calling to do this,” Jesserie said of the photographers who give of their time and talent, adding that they “take great care to produce beautiful portraits.”
“These are just not snapshots that someone fires off with a point and shoot, but timeless portraits that we photographers, and the digital re-touch artists we work with, spend hours to create,” she stressed.
The re-touching is done, she said, only to remove evidence of what was often a very traumatic delivery. The end result, respectful and true, is a beautiful, moving portrait of a much loved little son or daughter.
As a professional photographer, one of Mendon-resident Stefanie Kimball’s favorite assignments is to take pictures of pregnant women and babies. And as a mother herself, she has known the joy of bringing two healthy babies into the world.
But for those families who have sadly not had that same experience, being able to help them through a most difficult and painful time is a way, Stefanie noted, “to use my gift of photography to bring some peace or comfort to a grieving family.”
“We are always respectful to the family’s wishes and needs, and we conduct ourselves in the utmost professional manner while being as unobtrusive as possible. We stay as long as the family wants us, to ensure that we capture these moments,” she said.
For her first session, Stefanie admitted to being very nervous and not being really sure what to expect. But ironically, it was the family themselves who put her at ease.
“Once I met the family and entered the room, a feeling of calmness surrounded me. Here this family was in terrible mourning yet so appreciative of my taking pictures of their child with them. This overwhelming feeling of gratitude was palpable and I so unexpected it. I felt grateful that I was able to provide tangible memories for this family,” she recalled.
But as emotional as it can be for her, she said it also quite rewarding, as she helps to provide a lasting memory for “a child that was loved, and existed, if only for a few minutes, hours, or days.”
“In many ways it is tremendously healing for the parents and families to have these pictures,” she said.
“The impulse one may have is that this will encourage people to dwell on their loss,” Patrick Singleton, another affiliated photographer with the group, said of infant bereavement photography. “But (parents) just don’t ‘get over (the loss of a child)’.” Rather, they learn ways to think about it differently in a way that lets them deal with it.”
As a photographer specializing in weddings, portraits, and fine art, he is often present at some of the most joyous moments of his clients’ lives. When taking photos of babies who have passed away, he knows, he said, that he “must help create a clear and emotional record;” although, of course, he can’t help but be moved by what he sees.
It is inspiring, Patrick added, to see the many health care professionals who work tirelessly to help a family through a terrible and sad situation. But it is the moms themselves, whom he most admires.
“Mothers go through a great deal of work to have their baby,” he noted, “throughout their pregnancy and then the delivery, even when they know the outcome will not be favorable.”
“I want to honor that hard work,” he said. “My hope is that when a mother looks at the photos later she will see just what good care she was still taking of her baby at that time.”
New Hampshire resident Stephanie Britt had never had any difficulties when she was pregnant with each of her three boys. So she was devastated when she was told by her doctors at a Boston hospital that her baby, a little girl she named Bella, had a fatal congenital heart defect.
“My heart sank,” she said of hearing the news. “I felt like I was having the worst dream in the world, and I just wanted to wake up. On Monday, Oct 19th, they started my labor and on Oct 20th, I had my sweet little girl. I felt like I waited my whole life to have her and now that I did, I couldn’t keep her. She lived for about 23 minutes.”
Jesserie went to the hospital shortly after Bella was born to photograph the little girl. Those photos show a beautiful baby girl who, with a classic little pout, appears to be peacefully sleeping.
“When I first saw the photos I burst into tears; they were more then I could have ever asked for. Bella was so pretty!” Stephanie recalled.
Although she still mourns and misses her little baby, those photos now give her a sense of peace each day when she looks at them, she said.
“And Jessie made that all possible,” she added.
Bonnie Adams is a freelance reporter and personal historian who lives in Upton with her husband and twin 13-year-old boys. Her Web site is storiesbybonnie.com.
Photographers affiliated with “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep,” a national non-profit organization, offer all of their services to families completely free of charge.
For more information on their infant bereavement photography services, visit nowilaymedowntosleep.org.
To contact the photographers interviewed in this story –
Stefanie Kimball at 508-473-7833 or info@stefanielynnphotography.com
Jesserie Leavitt at 508-415-6621 or jkltweety@hotmail.com
Patrick Singleton at 617-519-4457 or Patrick@singletonphoto.com
