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The Inspiration for Bella's Ball Feb. 14 at The Manor, West Boylston Ralph and Kim Capaldi of Auburn were eating dinner at the Picadilly Pub in town with their two boys, Ralph, age four, and Dante, 20 months. Paula Monette Ethier, baystateparent's creative director, was also having dinner there with her husband when she couldn't help but notice the family.

It was crowded, the draw being that most homes in Worcester County did not have power due to a freak ice storm. Looking back, it really wasn't the ice that brought them together.

"In my 11 years with baystateparent, I have rarely approached a family in public," said Ethier, "but there was something about them. The littlest boy, Dante, kept moving his leg back and forth, back and forth. It cracked me up. You could just see the love, the way Ralph, the older boy, looked at his mother. I don't know…it just touched me."

At the end of the night, Ethier approached the Capaldis. "She said that we seemed like a fantastic couple with a wonderful family," said Kim, "She told us that our kids are adorable and so well-behaved." They exchanged contact information to schedule an upcoming baystateparent photo shoot with the boys.

During the follow-up call, Ethier learned that the Capaldis were in the midst of planning a Valentine's Day event, Bella's Ball, in honor of their 15-month-old daughter, Isabella, who died in March 2003. Now, we were all touched that a chance meeting connected us with people who could use our help too.

So, just as I put the final touches on my editor's note on why I love our February issue, I decided to call the Capaldis for a last-minute quote about their event.

Somehow I just knew that both Kim and Ralph would be home (even though it was in the middle of the day on a Friday) and available to talk.

When something bigger than you is at work, you let it pull. So I trashed my editor's note and began again:

Isabella Capaldi was born on December 11th, 2001 after her parents tried for five years to have a baby. IVF worked for Kim and Ralph the very first time!

Kim's pregnancy was normal. "Everything was fine until the day Bella was born. There was a big mass on her neck," said Ralph, "They intubated her right away and took her in an ambulance from St. Vincent's Hospital (in Worcester) to the NICU at UMass."

The newborn endured an MRI and a biopsy and was diagnosed with Peripheral Primitive Neuroectodermal Tumor (tPNT). After consulting with various hospitals, Bella began treatment at UMass.

How did Bella handle the cancer in her tiny body? "She was a perfect baby, very happy, smiley. Her spirits were great. We now have a son who is almost four. She was a better baby than he was!" laughed Ralph.

Bella's tumor was fast-growing. The chemo attacked. "Doctors would come in on Friday and return on Monday amazed by how much the tumor had shrank," Ralph said.

On Martin Luther King Day 2002, Ralph and Kim took their six-weekold baby girl home. "We didn't even tell anybody!"

Bella maintained a regular chemo schedule for three or four consecutive days, January through November. Ralph did not work a single day of Bella's life. The family lived off of savings.

In August, a routine scan showed that Bella's cancer had been eradicated. "That's great," thought Ralph and Kim, "but how do we make sure of this?"

Dr. Shamberger at Boston Children's Hospital advised them to operate. "Don't they operate on her and take out a tumor the size of a golf ball in her head! None of the tests showed it," said Ralph.

Although another tumor had been found, Dr. Shamberger was confident that the margins were all clean indicating that he had cut out all of the cancer. Bella could return to her regular chemo schedule.

Around Thanksgiving, the Capaldis took Bella for another routine scan at Boston Children's. "Dr. Shamberger said the cancer was back (dormant cells near the original site). That's when we knew right then that she was going to die. Obviously we should stop chemo because it wasn't helping," Ralph recalled.

The Capaldis began palliative radiation to keep Bella comfortable until she died. "We had to go in every morning at seven for them to sedate her and give her radiation. We did this every morning until she died on March 31, 2003."

That morning, Ralph looked at his daughter and said, "`What do you want me to do Isabella?' I had a funny feeling that morning."

The nurse told the Capaldis how Bella's last hours would work. "Every time you come in and tell us she's in pain, we have to give her more morphine. Then she'll die," recalled Ralph, "Every half hour, I went out to the nurse. She died about 10 that night. My wife was holding her." For the first three years after she died, Ralph went to the cemetery every day.

Two years later, their son Ralph was born through IVF. His due date was coincidentally around March 31st, so Kim chose to be induced on March 28. "The two of us just went and we didn't tell anybody," said Ralph, "He's a snowflake! (They thawed out one of our frozen embryos from Bella's IVF). One of them didn't make it; the other, that was Ralph!"

In 2007, IVF worked its miracle again, and their son, Dante, arrived.

While the couple stayed busy with their sons, they also felt that they needed to do something positive in memory of Bella.

" My daughter loved balloons," said Ralph, "My thought was it would be nice to have something called 'Bella's Ball' with lots of balloons in February."

So for the past six years, on the Saturday closest to Valentine's Day, the Capaldis organize a night of dinner, dancing, and auctions to benefit Why Me? in Worcester.

"The first year we made $10,000 after we paid everyone off. We usually make between $10 - $20,000."

While the event celebrates Bella, Ralph emphasized, "The night is not about Isabella or us. It's about Why Me? and the good things they do to help people in the midst of a terrible situation such as to pay their oil or mortgage or even cover burial costs. The divorce rate among parents of sick kids is astronomical. With support, we can help families stay together."

Ralph described the evening this way: "The dinner, dancing, and atmosphere is great. You get to dress up and go out. Once you come, you want to come every year."

"We are here to help the people who are going through it today and will go through it tomorrow. We dance and have a good time. You can't forget that we are there for a real reason, but it's not a night about that. Let's associate Valentine's Day with Bella's Ball!"

Looking ahead, it won't surprise me if they sell out Bella's Ball. The Capaldis have something special on their side....

- Carrie Wattu, editor

For Bella's Ball tickets ($50 per person), visit whyme.org. or call Ralph or Kim Capaldi at 508.832.9934.