EDITOR'S NOTE nancy macdonald I am intensely competitive. When others see problems, I identify solutions; long after they may have given up. I am always aware of the demands & expectations placed on me. "That's not possible," and "You can't do that," just gives me more motivation to do the impossible. I believe if you don't plan to complete a project correctly; don't even bother trying it. I expect others to sign-on to and adhere to my set of high standards. I believe if you commit to doing something; complete it correctly and on time. I am a perfectionist. When I was in high school, anything less than an A wasn't good enough. (I remember asking to re-take physics in my senior year because I didn't get at least an A- as a final grade, in my junior year. I told the guidance counselor "I can do better.") In college, I learned what grade I received didn't determine my course in life. It is believing in myself and following my own code of principles that determines who I am. One, not-perfect project does not make the person. As a mom, I had to re-learn those lessons I uncovered in college. It is, okay to strive to be perfect in some areas; as long as I allow myself to be "not so perfect" in others. Perfection is okay, in moderation. I'm happy with that! This won't shock my closest friends and family - but while I strive for perfection at the magazine, and try to be the best mom I can be, "I am NOT Suzy Homemaker, or should I say housecleaner." While I admire anyone who can keep up with Martha Stewart, I know that cannot be me every day. It is okay to be "imperfect;" as long as you are happy. It is okay to spend time playing "Pretty Princess" board game with my daughter or dancing like fairies; as opposed to washing clothes. I'm okay when the laundry forms a mountain in the bathroom. It's okay to visit the zoo as a family; and leave a cluttered living room behind. It's okay to clean in a frenzy the night before family & friends come over; if it means spending more time with my husband and daughter. Women, especially mothers, have a hard time accepting that it is okay not to be perfect. Perhaps it is because everywhere we go, there are reports of how to lose 10 pounds, how to have the HGTV home, ways to be the best wife, how to have it all, how to juggle career and family, etc… Well, here is the report that says it is okay to: • Pick up take out from Boston Market, because you were too busy at work to make a three-course dinner. (I have.) • Say no to volunteer for the PTO fundraiser or at your child's school, if it means taking time for a yoga class for yourself. • Have a messy room (or even the entire house) to spend quality time with your family. The important thing is to be happy, says Dr. Alice Domar, author of Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Break Free From the Perfection Deception. Award-winning freelance writer Marguerite Paolino profiles Dr. Domar and explores her thoughts on happiness and perfectionism for our Mammoth Mother's Day Guide. Read her report on page 38. This month, in trying to plan the "perfect issue for moms," there are articles on how to embrace the chaos for working moms (page 40), joining a MOMS club for stay-athome moms (page 34), dealing with the role of motherhood when you lost your mother (page 46), and developing friendships outside of your role as "mom" (page 43). One symptom of perfectionism is doing a task for someone because they are not doing it correctly. Moms can fall into this trap with their children. Sure, we've all picked out our child's clothes for fear they will wear that ballet tutu to the playground or that princess gown to school. How many of us have cut our child's food far longer than we should? Or packed their bags for school so they don't forget anything? While we want our children to be perfect, Dr. Robyn Silverman in her Parenting 1-2-3 column says what we need to do as parents is teach our children to rely on themselves. Read her 10 ways to teach a child self reliance on page 54. It is a first in a series of reports. Speaking of series, award-winning writers James Lang and Matt Robert begin their four-part day trip series this month. They packed up their wives and 8 kids and spent 8 hours exploring the Ocean State. Read their adventures beginning on page 10. Finally, I want to end this column by saying congrats to Bay State Parent magazine's many amazing freelance writers. The magazine recently won 16 Parenting Publications of America awards, including one for general excellence and for the third year in a row one for reporting. Plus, the magazine was named a "2008 Parents Choice Foundation Approved Award" winner. To read more in-depth about these awards, visit the magazine's blog at http://baystateparent.blogspot.com/search/label/awards. Most of the writers are moms (some dads and aunts too). We wouldn't be as successful without them. Happy Mother's Day to them and to you! Susan Scully Petroni editor@baystateparent.com