Finding a "Forever Family" FROM ETHIOPIA TO AMERICA WITH LOVE BY jamie bosso The Noyce family started their surprising journey to Ethiopia from the seats of their Rochester church, where Kenyan missionaries talked about working in orphanages for children with AIDS. Alison Noyce was deeply moved by the striking video images of the children, and in that moment, she felt she was destined to adopt from Africa. Ethiopia is an emerging country for families looking to expand or start a family through adoption. Pictured are members of the Sodowick family, Tessa Tsigereda, with her brother and sister Joey and Iris Sodowick. "Now, my husband is not an impulsive man," said Alison, "so I did not get an immediate 'yes'." But the dialogue had begun, and Alison, her husband Kurt and their daughters Devyn and Madison learned as much as they could about the possibility of adopting internationally. In January 2006, the Noyce family welcomed their first son, Mikias, who was 4 1/2 years old, and in November 2007, son Jemberu joined the family at age 3 1/2 years. Both boys came from Ethiopia. Though it seems so far away, and so vastly different, more families are looking to this little corner of the world, (where, rich in culture and steeped in history, it is speculated that mankind was born) to start or expand their family. Wide Horizons for Children, one of the largest private, non-profit adoption and child welfare agencies in the United States, in January announced it had placed its 500 Ethiopian child with an American family, since opening its Ethiopian program in 2003. To say that this news was surprising is an understatement. In fact, the general reaction around Wide Horizons these days, with respect to Ethiopia at least, is astonishment: both at the rapid growth of the program and the success of the placements being made. Kurt Noyce and Jemberu in Ethiopia at a coffee ceremony the day the Noyce family left Africa. "When we opened the program, we hoped to place 15- 20 children a year," said Executive Director of External Affairs at Wide Horizons Vicki Peterson. "We weren't sure American parents would be interested in Ethiopia, and we never expected to place this incredible number of children." The numbers are impressive: • Ethiopia was the largest program for Wide Horizons in 2007, with 209 placements. • More than 38 children have arrived in the US since January 2008, only part of the 200 expected to settle here this year. • As of mid-March 2008, 93 children have found new homes in Massachusetts since the program began. The Wide Horizons For Children Ethiopian program is headquartered in Waltham. Alison Noyce meeting Mikias in January 2006. Her and her husband adopted two boys from Ethiopia. Peterson attributed the "snowballing effect" of the Ethiopian program to a bit of luck, a lot of hard work, and to the contagious benefits of wonderful outcomes for families. "People have had such positive experiences in Ethiopia. The majority come home with wonderful stories. And all over the country, we begin to see African kids, so that it's not so strange anymore. It's not so scary to think about your child looking different in the community, the family or the schools. Anyone open to bringing a child into their lives should look at Ethiopia," she said. "Eat your dinner … there are children starving in Ethiopia." These words were heard around many American dinner tables in the 1960's. And though much has changed at family tables over the decades, sadly, much is the same for Ethiopian children. Devyn, Madison, Mikias and Jemberu Noyce. According to Wide Horizons, more than 5 million children are orphaned in Ethiopia with many having lost one or both birth parents due to famine, war, and disease. They live in dire poverty. In some villages, children as young as age 12 act as "head of household" and are fully responsible for raising the others in the absence of adult caregivers. Yet, as Vicki Peterson pointed out, these children still have something special. "There is an inner vibrancy in Ethiopian children. I have traveled to many countries, and the difference is remarkable. There is a brightness in their eyes that proves they have been loved and that they feel safe and secure." Despite living in destitute conditions, the Ethiopian people have a tremendous sense of caring and understand the importance of loving children. Yet, the sheer numbers of needy children makes proper care impossible, which explains in part why the Ethiopian government has turned to foreign families and agencies for help. In some cases, living birth parents make an adoption plan for children they cannot raise effectively. As extended families grow so does the burden of caring for children whose parents are gone. Often, elderly relatives are unable to raise children left behind, so seek adoption as a life-saving alternative. While parting with any child is heartbreaking, Ethiopian families feel fortunate to see their children find homes abroad where they will live in better conditions, receive education and health care and see a future not on the horizon at home. But not without first giving them knowledge of what a family is. "Ethiopian children have good feelings about being with a family," a characteristic that helps make their adjustment here more successful, said Peterson. A Flexible Process Recognizing the depth of need and the poor prospects for change, the Ethiopian government is committed to creating opportunities for making adoption smooth and successful at home and abroad. For example, applicant criteria is slightly broader with respect to age, allowing married couples of two years age 25-55 to adopt when many countries draw the age line at 50. Applicants age 50-55 should consider adopting children aged 4 years and older. Ethiopia allows single women to adopt babies and sets no limit to the number of children in the adopting family (some countries, like Korea, limit the number of children in an adopting family to four). While in some countries waiting children are often under age 2, in Ethiopia there is a wide range of ages among orphaned children. Wide Horizons reports placing infants (0-12 months, at referral) and toddlers, as well as school-age children up to age 16. There is an effort to keep sibling groups together and many are placed intact in new homes. Applicants hoping for an Ethiopian baby (under 18 months) can expect to wait up to 18 months for a referral; for children older than 18 months, the referral will likely come within one year.** Only one trip to Ethiopia is required (which is less than in most other countries) with a stay of approximately one week. Travel is usually possible two to four months after the referral is given and it is recommended, but not required, that both adopting parents make the journey. Costs associated with Ethiopian adoptions average slightly less than in many other countries. Building a Family Full of Love Adopting internationally can be fraught with facts, figures, and forms. Beyond the rules and regulations are the families themselves, who have opened their hearts and homes to children a world away. Alison Noyce, along with her brother, was adopted domestically. They shared life with a sister, who was their parents' biological child. "My experience being raised in a family with both adopted and biological children was very positive for me," said Alison. For the Noyces, adjusting to the dynamics of raising an international family of their own is a like navigating the weather patterns in New England. "When we brought Mikias home, we likened him to a hurricane," said Alison. "He emptied every drawer, unplugged every plug, figured out how all of our electronics worked, and ate like he may never eat again." For several months the family worked through language difficulties and the unexpected task of helping Mikias understand why he had to stay buckled in his car seat. Before long Mikias learned to say "I love you" in English, he thrived on the family's patience and reassuring approach, and life's bumps smoothed out. "If Mikias was a hurricane," explained Alison, "then Jemberu was a warm breeze." The family's transition with Jemberu was certainly easier thanks to the presence of an Ethiopian "big brother." Although Mikias could no longer speak his native Amharic, the two boys understood each other from the start. Jemberu had been "introduced" to his brother while still at Wide Horizon For Children's Horizon House in Ethiopia. The caregivers remembered Mikias from his time there, and talked about him to Jemberu before the younger boy made the trip home. Once again, the entire family tried to view each new experience through the eyes of the child, a pattern that helped them overcome many of the initial challenges. Adam Sodowick and Isabelle Lousada of Lincoln were familiar with international adoption since bringing home their two children, Joey and Iris, from Vietnam. The couple had always wanted a third child and they began looking at countries that had programs with older children. It was important to them to adopt from a country they felt could become part of their lives. In the Wide Horizons Ethiopia program, Adam and Isabelle discovered many older children are waiting for families. As Isabelle explained, "adopting a child who had experienced loving relationships gives them a greater chance of being able to attach well with their adoptive family." After an "all consuming and agonizing" wait of about seven months, the Sodowick family welcomed home Tessa, aged 2 1/2, last November. For these adoption veterans, the early days of life with Tessa were marked with challenges over a brief illness, frustration with the language barrier, and confusion over what to feed her. "I would end up with a dozen plates of different foods, all rejected by Tessa, and she would be standing with an empty plate in her hand screaming for something else," said Isabelle. "We figured out a few things she would eat and for the first few weeks, she would sleep holding a box of waffles." But within a month, the family had bridged many of the initial gaps, learning enough English and Ethiopian to get by, using sign language to convey needs, and finally establishing for Tessa a "healthy American diet." For all adopting families, helping multi-cultural children "fit" goes beyond the walls of their homes, reaching into extended families, the wider community, and even the child's original home. Alison Noyce had not anticipated the impact of becoming "a conspicuously adopted family." While she understands the outside interest, she is somewhat surprised she is asked to explain it so often. "I love adoption and I am proud to have adopted from Ethiopia and I am usually genuinely happy to talk about it. However, there are times that I …want just to be seen as the normal family that we are." Isabelle Lousada suggests that because her children are still young, and because they live in a community with many internationally-adopted children, the impact of being a multi-racial family is minimal at present. She expects, however, that "as the kids grow and broaden their circle the issues will change. There are issues they may have that are particular to internationallyadopted children, and to know others who they can share and explore these with is something we feel is of great value." By a stroke of good fortune, the Sodowick family lives near other families whose adopted children were at Horizon House together. Tessa plays regularly with six friends from Ethiopia. Both families agree keeping the Ethiopian culture and heritage alive for their children is important but challenging. Both families have attended culture camps, an experience that Alison Noyce says had a "huge impact on [Mikias] and triggered a lot of positive conversation about adoption and Ethiopia." Their lives are enriched with Ethiopian music, books, and art. The Noyce family stays in contact with the boys' birth relatives and in the future plan to visit. The Sodowicks travel frequently and include Ethiopia and Vietnam in their destinations when they can. In the face of abject poverty, overwhelming loss, and extreme distress, Ethiopian children continue to possess innate joy and optimism. With luck, many find happy, healthy homes even if they are across the globe. As Isabelle Lousada remembers it, "Horizon House was full of the most beautiful, joyful children. The building was full of laughter, song and dancing. Somehow they find the strength and grace to cope." **Note: Due to the nature of international adoption, wait times are changing. Your agency can advise you on the most accurate information. Jamie Bosso is an award-winning freelance writer based in Massachusetts.