What Does it Feel Like to be Asian in America?

BY rosemary cafasso

Rosann Tung, who adopted her daughter Ai Zhen from China, was subjected to Asian stereotyping as a child. She is determined to raise her daughter to be proud of her culture. Her daughter attends Chinese summer camps and has a Chinese babysitter.

Katherine Naftzger, an adult adoptee from Korea and now a mother and clinical social worker, can still recall the sting she felt several years ago, when, as a high school student getting lunch at McDonald's, one of the restaurant workers looked at her and called her a "China doll.''

"I don't think he meant to be offensive or to hurt me,'' Naftzger said. "But the other side of this is it can negate your personality, saying that you are just a doll.''

Naftzger is not unusual in describing her feelings of being diminished or marginalized as an Asian living in a predominately non-Asian world. She and other Asian adoptees, as well as parents of Asian adoptees, said they frequently encounter stereotypes that appear positive on the surface, but can be hurtful nonetheless.

Stereotyping is harmful because it makes an assumption about a person instead of recognizing the individual. For an adopted child, this kind of labeling can be particularly wounding because they often are already struggling with identity issues.

Rosann Tung and her daughter.

For many Asian adoptees, it is hard to develop a sense of self and a sense of belonging, while also recognizing that you look different and are often treated differently.

"The stereotypes about Asians are much more confusing that for other groups…,'' Naftzger added. "Ours are much more in making us feel irrelevant. There is a feeling that you don't matter.''

Last year, at the 34th Annual Adoption Community of New England Conference, a workshop was held for parents of children adopted from Asia. Typical workshops have a few dozen parents in attendance. This one had more than 50 people looking for information on how to help their children develop coping skills to better handle stereotyping.

Workshop leaders Rosann Tung and Sophia Kim, both Asian adults, shared their own stories about stereotyping. They said it is critical for parents to help their children develop a strong sense of self to offset any negative images others may impose on them. (See Resource List)

"My goal is to raise my daughter to not deny differences but to be proud of them,'' said Tung, who adopted her daughter from China. She was raised in the South by her parents, who are Chinese immigrants. "Growing up Chinese-American, I know what it feels like," Tung added. "I know how I look affects how people respond to and interact with me. I consider it a privilege to be aware, to have lived with differences, and to know how to handle it."

Asian stereotypes can be particularly tricky to handle because they so often sound flattering.

The typical stereotypes are that Asians are smart, exceptional at math, industrious, quiet, courteous, and, if they are female, often beautiful in an exotic or "China doll" way.

In fact, some parents of Asian adoptees said they don't mind if others assume their child is smart or well-behaved. But, others warned that parents shouldn't be lulled by these positive assumptions about their child.

"If you are thinking of a stereotype, you are making assumptions and you are not looking at that child as an individual,'' said Jacey Norton, a mother of two children adopted from Korea. "I honestly believe there is no stereotype that is a positive.''

"It limits an individual's identity,'' added Sophia Kim, one of the (Adoption Community of New England) ACONE workshop leaders, who has also worked with The Sticky Rice Project, an anti-racism group that works with the Asian community in Boston.

Kim and her colleague Tung noted there are two primary types of stereotyping, the "model minority'' and the "perpetual foreigner.''

With the model minority, Asian's are perceived as good, well-behaved or "model'' foreigners who don't cause trouble and keep quiet. The second stereotype of perpetual foreigner implies that because Asian's look different they will never be fully part of American culture but remain a step removed from the "real'' Americans.

Tung knows the "perpetual foreigner'' stereotype, well.

She said she can remember being asked "Where are you really from?'' when she was a child, even though she was born and raised in the United States. Also, she recalled how she was a dancer in her youth and participated in the annual recital hosted by the dance studio. Each year, there would be a lead role in a story ballet, such as Snow White or Cinderella. Tung strived for a lead princess role, but it was given to other dancers, until one year when the lead princess role was Tiger Lily, the Native American princess in the Peter Pan tale. Tung got the part.

Now, as Tung raises her daughter, she is determined it will be different. She and her family moved to a community in the Greater Boston area that is diverse and in which Asians are well represented. Her daughter attends Chinese summer camps and has a Chinese babysitter.

"I would say the most important thing is that our kids are aware and proud of their identities as Chinese,'' Tung added. "The best way is to be around Chinese and Chinese-American families.''

Jacey Norton is raising two children in a somewhat diverse community outside Boston. She said she has heard it all, from people commenting on her daughter's beauty, as if she were an exotic specimen instead of a child, to the expectations that her children should excel in school simply because they are Asian.

Norton said she also knows what it feels like when this stereotyping takes an ugly turn, such as the day her son came home from school and told her he had learned a song from other children about Asians. The other children had pulled their eyelids back to look more Asian and they sang this song.

Norton discussed this issue with the principal at her son's school, who spoke to children in various classes to point out how such a song can hurt feelings.

Norton said she is lucky in that the school's principal "backs me up 100 percent.''

What is key, said Norton, is to keep talking about these issues as they occur.

"Children of color raised in white families can get all sorts of mixed messages,'' Norton added. "We need to have dialogues with them all the time. Otherwise, it could be devastating."

Rose Cafasso is an award-winning Massachusetts-based freelance writer, who has written frequentlyon adoption issues.

RESOURCES

 

Rosann Tung and Sophia Kim stressed the key to helping offset Asian stereotyping is to build up a child's sense of self and help them feel confident about who they are. Below are some resources they put together:

Online Resources:

• www.modelminority.com

 

A "guide to Asian Americanempowerment.''

• www.asian-nation.org

Provides historical, political and cultural issues of today's diverse Asian-American community.

• www.aaja.org/news/mediawatch

Asian American Journalist Association

• www.aaca-boston.org/main.php

Asian American Civic Association

• www.aamovement.net

Asian American Movement Ezine

• www.aarw.org

Asian American Resource Workshop

• www.bigsister.org

Asian Big Sister Program

• www.asiancdc.org

Asian Community Development Corporation

• www.bcnc.net

Boston Chinatown Neighborhood Center 

Books:

• Strangers from a Different Shore by Ronald Takaki

• Yellow: Race in America Beyond Black and White by Frank Wu

• At America's Gates by Erika Lee