MOMS' PLAYDATE The Key To Enjoying Holiday Events - Book a Babysitter Early! BY michelle xiarhos curran As Lexington mom Erika Haas, mother to almost 3-year-old Carolyn, said, finding a good babysitter is, "um, difficult" to say the least. The good ones are often booked weeks in advance - especially during the holidays - and with babysitter and nanny horror stories scaring parents into becoming hermits, moms and dads can often find themselves at an impasse in securing proper child care for their little ones. Haas, who will attend her husband's company holiday party, booked her babysitter well before Thanksgiving - a necessity according to Walthambased Care.com founder and CEO Sheila Lirio Marcelo. "I would do that now," she advised parents, who have been invited to an adult-only holiday or New Year's Eve soiree. Care.com is a subscription-based service that parents can use to search for nannies and babysitters (and also other types of care like for seniors, pets, and tutoring) that launched in May of this year. Care providers - who have been pre-screened by Care. com staff - post searchable profiles and users can also post specific jobs. Similar services are available through companies like Sittercity.com and Sitterloop.com. Marcelo said perfect contenders for holiday sitters are college students, who have their early winter weeks free and are looking for extra cash. And though it may take some extra work to find an available sitter for the holidays, Marcelo said parents should go about the process in much the same way they would at any other time. "I do think that most babysitters are interested in repeat business," she said. So you want to make sure they are the right fit so that you can call on them when needed the rest of the year. (One way to hold onto a good sitter found during the holiday season, Marcelo said, is to give an extra holiday tip. "That goes a long way. It allows you to actually keep that babysitter.") Should You Bring A Child To An Event? But what if a party is quickly approaching and all the good babysitters have been taken? Or worse, your babysitter has cancelled? "You call the host to explain that you would love to attend, but do not have a sitter. Then, you are quiet," said etiquette expert Jodi R.R. Smith, president of Mannersmith, a Salembased etiquette consulting firm. "If the hosts invites you to bring along your children, great, you can go. If the host expresses regret that you cannot find a sitter, then you have the option of one adult staying with the child and the other attending the party, or gently declining the invitation while planning a romantic evening at home." But if you do decide to bring along the kids, Smith warned, there are a few things to keep in mind. First, it is the parents' responsibility to bring along sleepwear, activities, and childfriendly food to the event. "Do not expect the host to provide for adults as well as your kids," she said. And, she added, "Do be aware that when the child is invited, and is brought to the party, if the child is not coping well, the parents must be ready to pack it up and take everyone home as soon as there is whining or crying." Uninvited children, Smith said, are "not fair to the child nor is it fair to the host. Not to mention the parents who did take the time to find a sitter only to encounter other children at the event." Finding A Babysitter 101 Holiday season or not, moms will resort to all sorts of tactics to find the all-important babysitter. Mother's Clubs, day care facilities, and wordof mouth recommendations are all commonplace ways. Gathered together recently for playgroup, some Newburyport moms talked about their own experiences. Kristen Daigle, mom of two, remembered as a teen babysitting all the neighborhood kids. She laughingly recalled talking on the phone and inviting her friends over while she was working. "Everyone thought I was a great babysitter, but I was not that good," she said. Now that she's a mom, Daigle - who usually relies on family members for child care - jokes that she'd only be happy with a nun babysitting her girls. "I would want someone who seems trustworthy," she said. But for Sandi Boyle, whose family loves hours away, finding a reliable babysitter has been an absolute must. Her first sitter, she said, "fell in our lap." They found her through her local mothers' club. But once she left town for college, Boyle said, they were on the hunt again. "It was terrible because we loved her. She was awesome," she said. Now that she's found a new sitter - actually several; a group of teen girls that work in the childcare room of the local gym - does she share the wealth? Boyle said it's the right thing to do because good babysitters are so hard to find. "You just kind of hope that it doesn't interfere with your plans," she said of moms using the same sitter. Haas said she would probably only share her sitter with close friends. "I wouldn't want to have too many people using her, because then her availability for me would decline," she said. While developing the business plan for Care.com Marcelo actually ran focus groups on the topic, and the results helped determine how much community-based content would appear on the Web site. Many moms indicated, "'I am just not willing to share my babysitter,'" she said. And what about the 15-year-old living down the street from you? Do they still babysit? It depends on where you live. But the idea of the neighborhood babysitter is declining in some parts, said Marcelo. "Teenagers are so distracted and so busy," she said, with sports and other after-school activities. And, she added, "I think the Internet has opened up the job market for teenagers," leaving fewer of them to go around. In Newburyport, though, it seems the notion is still going strong - though whether or not they're available to everyone is another story. "There are a couple of girls in the neighborhood who babysit," said mom Beth Mettling. "Because there are so many young families in the neighborhood, they're always booked up. I would used them if I could get them." Marcelo said the first thing to do when looking for a babysitter is to "post a job specifically for the things you are looking for. I would always start there before compromising what you're looking for." And she cautions parents not to jump on the first candidate that responds. "I would never skip a reference interview," she added. "That is so very important." A face-to-face interview with the babysitter - a two-step process, Marcelo explains - is also a must. First, she suggested, meeting your perspective babysitter at a coffee shop for a formal interview. "Make sure there's a personality fit with you," she said. If the kids love your babysitter, but you can't stand her, there is bound to be friction. Treat this part of the interview process like any other job interview. Ask her how she handles stressful situations and what her pet peeves are at work. Then invite the babysitter to your home to meet your kids. Leave them alone for an hour while you're in another room, then when you reconvene, ask both child and care provider how things went. If the child is too young to communicate, check his or her body language. It will tell you a lot. Once you find your perfect babysitter - who may charge anywhere from $8 to $25 an hour depending on experience, skills, and the number of children - the key to making sure the arrangement continues to work for your family, Marcelo said, is to keep on top of the situation. "We're not believers in 'nanny cams'" she said. But, "We come home unannounced." By doing that, "We're able to kind of see what's going on at home." Marcelo said if simple rules - like no television watching or having a snack at a specific time - are not being followed, you have to wonder what else is being compromised. She also added that things like coming home to your sitter on her cell phone or an infant or toddler with a full diaper or dirty face could be signs that your child is not receiving the proper care. Of course, you can also never underestimate first impressions when looking for the right fit in childcare, said Newburyport mom Theresa Davis. Michelle Xiarhos Curran is a Massachusetts-based freelance writer. Web Sites to Help You Find A Sitter www.Care.com - Users can search prescreened perspective babysitters and nannies, post jobs, and listen to streamed audio of recorded reference interviews. www.Sittercity.com - Besides searching for sitters and nannies, Sittercity.com - founded by Boston College grad Genevieve Thiers - hosts Speed Sitting events. Think Speed Dating, but replace Mr. or Mrs. Right with a sitter or nanny. www.Sitterloop.com - Use pre-defined criteria to locate the perfect match. A last-minute sitter service allows parents to search for sitter available on short notice. Finding the Right Babysitter To insure a good childcare fit for your family, follow these tips, adapted from www.Care.com Don't compromise your needs. If you require a sitter who also speaks Spanish, a little work will go a long way. Do not jump at the first candidate you meet. Set aside time for at least two interviews. The first one should be more formal, with just parent and sitter. Then invite him or her over to spend time with your kids. Always check references. Don't stop checking up on your sitter once he or she starts working for you. Come home unannounced occasionally and keep the lines of communication open. And remember that finding the right sitter means asking the right questions. Below are some of the most important ones to ask when interviewing your sitter and checking references. To the sitter: Are you available on short notice? Have you completed a babysitting course? What experience do you have with this age group? Do you know child or infant CPR and first aid? To your sitter's references: How long and in what context have you known the sitter? Is the sitter still working for you, and if not, why? How did the sitter handle emergency and disciplinary situations? What activities did the sitter do with your children?