Creating & Improving Families Adoption Community of New England Celebrates its 40th Year rosemary cafasso When the Summers family made the life-changing choice to adopt a child, they turned to the Adoption Community of New England to begin their research. Sarah Summers visited the organization and spent time with Joan Clark, executive director. "I almost fell over because there was so much information,'' Summers said. Adoption Community of New England Board Member Craig Van Batenburg and his wife are in the process of adopting another child - a 20 year old. One of their sons was adopted days before his 18th birthday, and another son was adopted at age 6. Relying on Clark and the Adoption Community of New England (ACONE) as resources, the Summers family eventually decided to adopt a child from Korea. Their son joined the South Shore family on March 23, 2001. But the Summers' connection to ACONE didn't stop there. If anything, the relationship became more important as her son began to grow and a variety of adoption issues emerged. Summers said that with organization's help, she has been able to navigate potentially tricky situations, such as cultural differences and discussing adoption with her son's teachers. "I can go to seminars as he is developing and learn what is going on,'' Summers said. "They are helping me nurture my son." The Summers family is not alone. This year, the Westborough-based organization (The organization moved from its Holliston officein February.) will mark its 40th anniversary. In those four decades, the organization has helped thousands of New England families not only take their first steps towards adoption but guide them on their lifelong adoption journey. Adoption Community of New England (www.adoptioncommunityofne.org) is a provider of workshops and seminars as well as an annual conference that attracts thousands each year. The 2007 conference will be held on Saturday, April 28. Workshops cover all topics, from deciding to adopt baby for pre-adoptive parents to adult adoptee discussion groups. Since its founding in 1967, the organization's core mission has not changed. It was established to provide unbiased information and educational resources to the adoption community and it continues to do so. The difference now is the community it serves has transformed into a greatly diverse world of families and professionals. Currently, it works with families of every shape and size, from traditional two-parent families to single parent and same-sex parent households. Trans-racially and internationally adopted children are an increasingly big piece of the adoption community. Further, ACONE has expanded to work with birth families, extended families, adoptees, and professionals who work with families touched by adoption. In every case, the goal is to provide unfiltered information so families and individuals can become empowered and make the choices that are right for them. "ACONE is the gateway to enter through in the very beginning rather than go to a particular agency,'' said Craig Van Batenburg, a father of two, who lives in Worcester and a board member of the organization. Van Batenburg is a strong advocate of foster-care adoption. One of his sons, who is now 22, was adopted from foster care just two days before his 18th birthday. Another son was adopted from foster care when he was 6 years old. He will celebrate his 16th birthday next month. Also, the Van Batenburgs are in the process of adopting a 20-year-old, who is currently living in a homeless shelter. "When we were looking for the very first time, we had no idea what to do,'' said Van Batenburg. "What (ACONE) does very well is give you a place to go to get an unbiased view. It helps you get your feet wet.'' Van Batenburg said when he and his wife first made a decision to adopt; they met with a local adoption agency that specialized in international adoptions. They were so overwhelmed that they actually backed away from the adoption plan altogether, Van Batenburg said. Then, after more research and soul searching, they decided to go the fostercare route. Martha Henry, director of education at the Center for Adoption Research at the University of Massachusetts Medical School in Worcester, said one of organization's most important functions is providing families with a forum to ask questions about adoption. "It is a wonderful place to go and be open and ask questions that you might not be comfortable asking during an agency orientation,'' Henry said. "It puts families in a position to explore all the questions that they want to ask.'' In essence, ACONE's growing constituency reflectssociety and its changes. In 1967, the group was launched to help "conspicuously adopted families,'' who had adopted children who looked different from them or had children who joined the family from DSS at an older age, said director Clark. At the time, it was common for families who adopted children to either not discuss the adoption or to actually pretend the child was not adopted. ACONE, then known as the Open Door Society, was made up of a handful of volunteers. Today, with Clark at the helm, there is a small staff. The changes in the world of adoption have been like "going from typewriters to computers,'' said Vicki Peterson, executive director of external affairs at Wide Horizons for Children in Waltham. "The whole field has changed so radically.'' But ACONE, she said, "has been a great resource for networking. It is so helpful for families to have other people they can turn to.'' For many people, having the opportunity to reach out to others with similar life experiences is critical. "The great thing about ACONE is they were on the cutting edge and the forefront to provide the support network not only to adopt but for the post-adoption services," said Jeffrey LaCure, a clinical social worker from Hudson and an adoptee. LaCure frequently speaks at ACONE workshops to share his professional and personal experiences. As he describes it, he has "worked in adoption for 21 years and lived it for 43.'' In addition to his career as a social worker and family therapist, LaCure has written several books, including Raising our Children's Children, which he co-wrote with Deborah Ducette-Dudman, and Adopted Like Me, a children's book that shares the story of growing up adopted. "What I see for children today is (adoption) is so out there,'' LaCure said. "Parents have been raised through the adoption movement to be open and honest. ACONE has been on the cutting edge of helping make this normal.'' Another key to the organization's success is that it respects all members of the adoption world equally. In fact, one of its support groups is called the Triad Group, which brings together unrelated adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth family members. The impact on individuals can be profound. Recently, an adult adoptee was set to begin the search for her birth parents. By attending this group, she was able to learn from a birth mother "what it felt like to be found,'' said Clark. Some professionals and parents say ACONE not only reflectsour society and its changes, but stays a step ahead of it to provide education and support as new trends emerge. "I first became aware of ACONE when I was on a panel of birth mothers about 25 years ago and it was one of the first panels of birth mothers,'' said Deborah Blanchard, an ACONE board member and birth mother of two boys she relinquished in the 1950s. She has since been reunited with both boys and has established relationships with them along with the adoptive family. Blanchard is also assistant director of The Adoption Connection in Peabody. "I very quickly realized they were a cutting-edge organization,'' Blanchard continued. "They were introducing workshops that were taking us well into the future of adoption.'' Blanchard said she understands the challenges all parties - birth parents, adoptees, and adoptive parents - can experience with adoption. She said she believes that had she been able to reach out to the adopted family or if they had been able to contact her, the adoptive parents might have understood more about the children's behaviors. She said it is critical that some kind of "lifeline between birth parents and adoptive parents exist for the health and well-being of the adoptee." ACONE, she added, exposes families to the issues around creating such a lifeline and helps them make informed choices. Parents and professionals expect ACONE to keep up with changes in the adoption community's future, whatever they may be. Clark said she expects more attention will be placed on the cost of adoption. Currently, the cost of international adoptions, which typically run in the $20,000 to $30,000 range, can shut out many families that would be ideal parents for children. Other parents suggest the future will bring more focus to foster-care adoption and the challenges related to the everchanging requirements of international adoptions. "If they just continue to be very vocal and on the front lines, if they can stay true to that, they will be here for another 40 years,' added Jeffrey LaCure. Rosemary Cafasso is an award-winning freelance writer, who lives in Franklin.