Reporter's Public Battle Inspiring Others

Ten months ago, Kelley Tuthill was a healthy 36- year-old woman, married

"There are a lot of parts of breast cancer and treatment that are lonely. To be out in the public, it's a shared experience," she said. "I've met amazing people and they inspire you. They're very nurturing of you and they want to help you get through it." with two beautiful daughters,

and enjoying a successful career as a news reporter for WCVB Channel 5 Boston.

Like many other families, she and husband Brendan were busy jumping the everyday hurdles that face two working parents - managing schedules, childcare, and getting the kids fed and dressed in the morning.

Just before Christmas, Tuthill's doctor sent her to Beth Israel Medical Center for an ultrasound and mammogram. Tuthill had found a lump in her breast after nursing her younger daughter, Cecilia, then five months old. Both Tuthill and her doctor thought it was most likely nothing, a clogged milk duct. She was young and there was no family history of breast cancer. Tuthill was convinced this was no big deal.

Madeline, 3 1/2, and Cecilia have fueled Kelley Tuthill's drive to beat breast cancer. But then, she said, "It spiraled to a place I never thought it was going to go."

Breast Cancer.

After hearing those two words in that doctor's office, Tuthill said, she went numb. She could concentrate on nothing that came after.

"It was absolute panic because you are just absolutely convinced you are going to die."

But Tuthill, it turns out, is a fighter.

In January, she underwent a successful mastectomy in which all of her breast tissue and 14 lymph nodes were removed.

In February, she began a 16-week course of chemotherapy.

At the time of our interview in September, Tuthill, who manages to speak about her battle with the grace of a skilled journalist, was halfway through radiation treatment, which she receives daily in Boston.

"As a parent, this has been the hardest part for me," Tuthill said. "The kids wake up and I have to rush out the door."

Things are anything but easy when you add the rigors of cancer treatment into an already busy schedule.

"It's as near impossible without being impossible," Tuthill said.

But the couple has learned out of necessity how to rely on other people. Brendan has been able to rearrange his schedule at work and cut back on the amount of travel he does so he can spend more time with the kids. Brendan, in fact, has been right there through it all.

"In the mornings, he's the breakfast guy," Tuthill said of her husband of almost six years, adding with a laugh though that he hasn't quite figured out how to dress the girls. "I've seen what happens, and usually the dresses are on backwards."

While in recovery from her mastectomy, Tuthill remembers sitting with her 3-year-old, Madeline, watching a movie in her hospital bed. It was then that she tried to explain to her what was exactly was happening to her mommy. Madeline's reaction was something you would expect from a child not yet capable of understanding such things. She asked, what was for dinner.

"With a 3 1/2 year old, it's hard," said Tuthill, who recently turned 37. "She knows my body looks different. She knows I'm bald."

Being a mother to two young children has been both a blessing and a challenge in Tuthill's battle with cancer. On the one hand, Tuthill said, "There's not a ton of young people going through this. The majority of people are older."

And it's difficult for her not to be able to be there for her children in the same way she always once could. "I couldn't lift the kids for the first six weeks after surgery," she said.

But on the other hand, staying in bed is simply not an option for her; and Madeline and Cecilia have fueled Tuthill's drive to beat the cancer.

"They give you the reason to fight and stay positive," said Tuthill, who added that the first time Ceclia said the word "mama" provided a much needed lift after a tiring chemotherapy session.

"All I want to do is beat this," she said. "All I want to do is see my daughters get married and go to college."

Of course, there have also been those awkward moments that any parent of young children knows kids can add to a situation. Like the time Tuthill was watching American Idol with Madeline and the three-year-old likened her mother to a bald contestant on the show. Or the time her daughter pulled off her wig in public.

But, Tuthill said, "You have to find the humor."

In fact, "Laughing so I don't cry," is the title to Tuthill's April 13 diary entry, which can be read by the public on Channel 5's Web site.

There are other challenges too. Like dealing with the physical side affects of treatment - fatigue, illness, and hair loss.

"You try not to be vain about things," Tuthill said. But it's hard. "You look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back. For me, I just look old."

The biggest challenge, though, has been trying to keep family life as normal as possible at a time when beating cancer is the backdrop to everything.

"My whole year has been focused on fighting cancer," said Tuthill. "Nothing can prepare you for that."

But even though her life has taken her down this unexpected road, Tuthill has a plan.

"My plan is to try and just move on with my life," she said. "That's a hard thing to do. We all have in our heads how we want things to be in our lives. The best-laid plans aren't always reality."

But she is taking the advice of her doctors and eating healthier and trying to make time to lead a more active lifestyle (something she plans on ingraining in her daughters since they will be at a higher risk for breast cancer now) though that too can be hard when she already feels the guilt familiar to many working parents.

Tuthill continues in her role as a Channel 5 investigative reporter, though if her health changes, she may revisit that decision in the future.

For Tuthill, the worst-case scenario is that her cancer will return. And even though she's scared of the possibility, that's a thought she tries not to devote much time to.

"I just try not to think about it too much," she said. "I don't want to be afraid of things that I don't know about."

"The assumption is hopefully that the chemotherapy will work," she added.

Several weeks after she was given her diagnosis, Tuthill made the decision to go public with her battle. It was something she was used to - reporting on a story. Only this time, she was the story. Tuthill allowed a camera to follow her from diagnosis through treatment, and she updated her online diary through all the different stages.

"I've gotten so much out of this experience," she said of sharing her story. "[It] has given me all these women who write me and call me and e-mail me. A really lousy thing has happened to me. For me to be able to go public with it and to have something good come out of it is good."

"If I didn't work here at Channel 5, I wouldn't have that forum," she added.

Not only has Tuthill been able to educate others about breast cancer and raise awareness of the disease, but she's also been able to make a mutually beneficial connection with other survivors.

"There are a lot of parts of breast cancer and treatment that are lonely. To be out in the public, it's a shared experience," she said. "I've met amazing people and they inspire you. They're very nurturing of you and they want to help you get through it."

"All of a sudden you know how much it means to you and you want to give that back," she said. "That's the person I want to be."

Tuthill said for other families facing the challenge of cancer, the most important thing is to keep home life as normal as possible.

Midway through her treatment, Tuthill and her family were able to get away for a family vacation to ease the effects of her grueling treatment, which wears on everybody. She also advises patients to be open to help from family and friends, because it will be needed. Tuthill even suggests designating a point person to coordinate help, a role her sister took on for her.

"The biggest thing for me in the whole experience," said Tuthill, "has been not taking for granted the support of my family and wonderful friends."

Tuthill said with evolving cancer research, there are so many reasons to be optimistic about her future. Not to mention that a positive attitude makes fighting cancer that much easier for herself and her family.

While Tuthill has already achieved her biggest accomplishment - giving birth to Madeline and Cecilia - she is looking forward to living her life to the fullest.

"I think at 36 you take it for granted that you're going to be around for a while, and I don't anymore," she said. "You don't know how much time you have. I just want to be around good people and be good back to them."

Michelle Xiarhos Curran is a Massachusetts-based freelance

writer.

Kelley Tuthill & Her Work

•Joined WCVB as a general assignment reporter in 1998

•Tuthill's coverage of the protests outside the 2004 Democratic National Convention in Boston helped WCVB win the Best Breaking News Coverage Award from the Associated Press.

•Tuthill is currently working on a series of stories about cancer to be aired on WCVB during the month of October.

To read Kelley's diary, view video clips, find out about events where Kelley is appearing, share stories about battling breast cancer and to learn more about breast cancer resources, visit WCVB-TV's Website at www. thebostonchannel.com/health.

Breast Cancer Organizations Tuthill Supports

• The Ellie Fund, a Needhambased non-profit organization dedicated to fighting breast cancer and easing its effects on patients and families. www.elliefund.org • The Breast Cancer Research Foundation, a national not-forprofit organization that funds breast cancer research. www.bcrfcure.org