Goldilocks Parents 'Do Things Just Right'

We've all heard stories of so-called helicopter parents, the moms and dads who hover over their children's lives. They write their kids' papers, then challenge teachers when they don't like the grade. These are the overly involved parents who push uninterested kids into violin lessons or lacrosse because it will look good on a college application.

Although they're in the minority, the concept of helicopter parents has gone mainstream, making the cover of Time magazine and the pages of the New York Times. Judging by the headlines, you'd think there are only two kinds of parents, those who constantly hover over their kids and those who completely slack off on the job. But between these extremes are lots of parents who actively support their children without going overboard. Call them "Goldilocks Parents" - they do things just right.

Goldilocks parents know that their involvement in school is important to their kids' success, but realize that helping kids too much can actually hold them back. While helicopter parents may do their kids' homework for them, Goldilocks parents expect their kids to do the work, but offer their help when it's needed.

Massachusetts resident Tim Sullivan is founder and president of PTO Today, Inc, headquartered in Wrentham. Founded in 1999, PTO Today, Inc. has firmly established itself in the center of the parent group world as a valuable resource for parent group leaders and as experts in developing high impact programs that serve those leaders and the tens of millions of school families in America. At its core, PTO Today is a media and services company focused on helping parent group leaders help their individual schools. With its 80,000-circulation print magazine, its comprehensive PTO leader Web site (www.ptotoday.com) and a host of additional programs and services, PTO Today has built the only comprehensive connection to all K-8 parent group leaders in the U.S., regardless of parent group acronym. PTO vs. PTA). A recognized leader in all aspects of parent involvement in schools, Sullivan has spent his entire career in the education world. Readers can e-mail him at tsullivan@ptotoday.com . Kids gain confidence and become more self-reliant when they handle things on their own, whether it's figuring out math problems or resolving playground conflicts. While helicopter parents fixate on getting their children into elite colleges, Goldilocks parents realize that kids also need to learn the life skills to make it on their own someday.

Whether it's baseball or ballet, taking part in extracurricular activities is a great way for kids to have fun and develop new skills. Too often, helicopter parents fill up their kids' schedules with activities, leaving children with little time to play or pursue their own interests. Goldilocks parents let kids be kids and look for creative ways to incorporate learning into fun.

When it comes to homework, kids of course need help sometimes. But if you're talking your child through every math problem or taking over the science fair project, you're going too far. Goldilocks parents make sure kids have the resources they need to complete assignments, then step back while their kids do it.

Helping out at school is a great way to show you care about education, but like any volunteer role, it shouldn't take over your life. Instead of overextending themselves, Goldilocks parents find ways to help out that fit into their schedules, even if it's just an hour here or there.

With the constant complaints about minor issues and disputes over poor grades, it's no wonder teachers dread conversations with helicopter parents. Instead of telling teachers how to do their job, Goldilocks parents open lines of communication and offer their help, not criticism.

The temptation to become a helicopter parent can be strong. When you think you might be doing too much, consider whether the task is something your kids can do on their own, and if it is, let them do it. Your kids need your support and encouragement, but the last thing they need is a parent hovering over them each step of the way. Instead, be like Goldilocks parents, and find the course that's just right.

Goldilocks Traits

Follow these tips and you'll be on your way to becoming a "Goldilocks Parent."

Helping with homework: Provide guidance, not answers. If your child gets frustrated, suggest a short break.

Talking with teachers: Communicate anything that might affect your child's performance - strengths and weaknesses, learning style, family issues, behavior problems. Form a partnership with the teacher to help your child.

Scheduling activities: If you think your child might be overscheduled, evaluate each activity with these questions: Does he enjoy it? Do you? Is it being done out of habit? Because everyone else is doing it? What does the activity accomplish?