PARENTING1-2-3

Junior's New Year's resolutions: Five Ways to Help Your Child Learn to Set Goals

As we get ready to start a new year, many of us begin thinking about our goals.

Some of us even "goal-set." But as we are mulling over the future of 2007 and what we want to accomplish, we often don't think to invite our children to do the same.

I don't know about you and your kids, but most people don't just sit around for a couple of hours each day hoping that they will find something to do. We don't have unlimited time. If we did, goals would be less important.

You might be wondering, isn't goalsetting more of an adult thing to do? In a word, "no." Goal-setting is for anyone who wants to accomplish something. Of course, our children's goals would likely be more simple and short-term based than our own, but still, they have goals!

My 4-year-old niece, Phoebe, is a budding artist. Last year, her New Year's goal was to "learn how to draw a park." She worked on it and over the next few months, she got very good at it! Her goal might not be as lofty as ringing the bell on Wall Street or as meaningful as helping the poor in China, but it was right for her. It helped her to practice the art of setting a goal and seeing it through. This will help her greatly as she gets older. Why wait until adolescence or adulthood to first start teaching this crucial process?

Here are some ways to begin teaching goal setting to your children:

1. Find out what they want to do: This goal should be meaningful to them even if it is not meaningful to you. Telling a child what his or her goals should be takes the fun out of the process. You might want them to clean up their room - but that is your goal, not theirs! You might be surprised to find out that your child wants to learn how to swim or make a new friend. Whatever it is, help your child put it down on paper and tack it up where everyone can see it and support it.

2. Make goals SMART: A goal should be "Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely." When we make sure to help our children understand these guidelines, goal setting and goal achieving can be a lot of fun. If your child tells you she wants to "do better in math," help her to make it more explicit. For example, "My goal is to get a B or better on my next math test by going in for extra help twice per week and studying at home for an extra 15 minutes everyday."

3. Steer clear of the 3 Ps of Failure: We all get "unhinged" sometimes by these "goal-stealers;" Procrastination (putting it off), pushback (another word for "I don't wanna!"), and projection (blaming). We can help our children by encouraging them to stick with the plan and refrain from blaming others when things don't go exactly as anticipated. If they push through the challenges, your children will learn that you always finish what you started. They will also learn that conquering their challenges make the accomplishment all the more sweet.

4. Visualize: This can be especially powerful with older children and teens but really, everyone in the family can do this together. Help your children visualize what it would look like and feel like to achieve their goals. Can they see the test with the B on it? Can they hear the crowd cheer when they score a soccer goal? Can they feel the certificate in their hands when their teacher says "congratulations, you are now a black belt in martial arts?" This step in critical to the success of a goal. After all, if you can see it, you can believe it, and you can achieve it.

5. Celebrate successes: Beyond the fun in the celebrating itself, it's important to take some time to acknowledge your child's hard work. You know your child best. What type of reward would be most meaningful? Everyone likes presents but really, non-material rewards work even better. One of my goals when I was 14 was to get straight As on my report card. Since I was interested in theater, when that goal was achieved, my parents took me to see a show. I don't remember what production it was but I do remember how proud my parents were of me and the time they took to make sure I knew it.

Helping your child goal-set can be an exciting process. But seeing your child realize the benefit of his hard work is even more meaningful. Of course, your children learn from you. By sharing your own goals and brainstorming goals with your family, your children start to understand that goal setting is an important part of life.

And there is no matter time to start than today.

Invitation!

Dr. Robyn wants to invite Bay State Parent readers to a free teleconference on "Goals We Set Are Goals We Get: Goal-setting with your child for 2007" on Thursday, January 11, at 8 p.m. Please write to drrobyn@PowerfulWordsOnline.com to register, reserve your spot, and get the call-in number. Time for questions will be provided during the call.

Dr. Robyn J.A. Silverman is a Massachusetts-based child and adolescent development specialist whose programs and services are used worldwide. She is also a success Martial Arts January coach for parents, adolescents, and educators, who are looking to achieve their goals, improve their lives or improve the lives of others. She is a professional speaker who presents to PTAs, schools, parents, and organizations that focus on children or families. Interested in doing some coaching with Dr. Robyn or having Dr. Robyn present a seminar at your child's school or at your business? Go to www.DrRobynSilverman.com for more information. Dr. Robyn can be reached at drrobyn@powerfulwordsonline.com