Should Schools Teach About Same-Sex Families?
Itis no surprise to most parents that schools mirroring the rest of our society are
becoming more diverse.
There are families of immigrants, families with stepsons and stepdaughters, families through adoption, and families lead by a single mom or dad.
But in at least one Massachusetts community tensions are mounting over a school's right or responsibility to teach about a new type of family those that consist of gay or lesbian parents. A high profile lawsuit filed in Lexington pits two couples who believe they should have a say in what their children learn, against others who are working for an all-inclusive school environment.
The feud stems back to April 2005 when David Parker says his then-5year-old son brought home a book that included pictures of same-sex parents along with other types of families. Parker met with officials from the Estabrook Elementary School and demanded his son be pulled out of the classroom when homosexuality will be discussed, citing the state's parental notification law. When school officials refused, saying the law applies only to the more physical elements of sex ed, Parker refused to leave and was eventually arrested for trespassing on school grounds.
/CAPTIONParker was back in the news this past April, when he and his wife, Tonia, joined parents Rob and Robin Wirthlin to file a federal lawsuit against Lexington schools. The suit alleges the school violated parents' civil rights when a book about gay marriage was read aloud to a seventh-grade class.
The book in question in 2005, King & King, tells the story of a young prince who rejects a slew of beautiful princesses and falls in love with another prince. The two marry and, at the end of the book, kiss. Originally published in the Netherlands, the book is geared toward children ages 4 to 8.
That is too young, Parker said. "Children don't have the analytical skills to really understand what's going on," he said. "These types of expressions of sexuality and sex need to be in a context of family values and views and morality."
But how young is too young? Of course, the answer to that varies by child. Still, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children have a "basic understanding" of homosexuality and same-sex relationships before they hit puberty. Because most children will begin asking about issues of love or romance around age 8 or 9, parents may use that as a teachable moment.
"What parents need to understand is that they're having conversations with their children about sexuality from birth," said Paul Sathrum, who directs the Can We Talk? Program for the National Education Association's Health Information Network. "It shouldn't be that your child gets to age 13 and you have to have this big talk out of nowhere."
Can We Talk? is a four-part workshop for parents to learn how to talk and teach about human sexuality at home. The program began about 10 years ago, when NEA saw communities start to move sexual education out of the school curriculum amidst controversy. The program aims to prepare parents for conversations before they arise, with role-playing activities and strategies for answering tricky questions. The first step, Sathrum said, is knowing your family values on sex.
"Many parents have never really thought about it, so we ask them to think about how they were raised and how they were taught. How do you want to address it with your kids? You need to talk about your family values and your family rules," he said. "Whether they adhere to it is a separate issues, but they need to know where you're coming from."
Second, parents need to think of ageappropriate ways to talk about sex. When a child asks a question, they are not necessarily looking for the entire encyclopedia answer, Sathrum said. Instead, listen to how a question is asked and pay attention to how your child reacts to the answer. Use news stories or movies to bring up the subject.
"A lot of people say these conversations are good in a car, because the parent is focused on driving and there isn't that direct eye contact," Sathrum said.
For Laura Tully, there has been no shortage of moments to teach her son about sexuality and homosexuality. He's grown up with gay people in his life, she said. Tully, founder of Lexington CARES, said, King & King was a perfectly acceptable story portraying real adult relationships. "To me, the story is about who people love," said Tully.
Lexington CARES was formed in May 2005 after some parents found the national media attention on the Parker case "damaging to the school environment," Tully said. She said that every school in the Lexington system has at least one same-sex family, and some of those families worry about the safety of their children in school. Tully and Lexington CARES see the lessons on homosexuality as part of the wider curriculum on families and tie in to the school systems goals for a safe learning environment.
"If you're in an environment where it's OK to put people down, at some point it'll be you and kids know that," she said. "It's a misnomer to say parents have a right to say they don't want their child to know about other people. It is no one's right to exclude people in a public school."
The Massachusetts Department of Education has no policy on if, when or how schools should teach about homosexuality, according to spokeswoman Heidi Perlman, who called the issue a "local decision."
"We really have nothing to do with that," she said. "It's really up to the schools."
Still, the curriculum guidelines the state provides schools, includes standards for teaching children about homosexuality as early as elementary school. The Massachusetts Comprehensive Health Curriculum Guidelines, which schools are not required to use, include lessons under the category of family life that include defining sexual orientation using the correct terminology and identifying what determines sexual orientation.
But the guidelines do add that a "major component of comprehensive school health education is parent and family involvement... in the planning of appropriate health education."
A 1999 study by the Alan Guttmacher Institute found that two-thirds of public school districts across the country have a policy mandating sexuality education.
And a 2004 poll of parents nationwide found that 93 percent of parents wanted some form of sex ed taught in schools.
But that same poll, conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation, Harvard's JFK School of Government and National Public Radio, found almost 20 percent of parents believe schools should not teach about homosexuality at all. More than half (52 percent) said schools should teach "only what homosexuality is, without discussing whether it is wrong or acceptable."
Parker said it was that "moral neutral" thinking that has lead to stories of children coming home telling parents they are gay simply because they love a friend of the same gender.
"They are confusing children," he said. "To just define homosexuality as loving someone of the same gender is a subversion of the truth. It's confusing to children and it puts an undue burden on parents who don't know what's being taught to their children."
Under state law, public schools must notify parents before teaching sex ed and allow parents the opportunity to exempt their children from any part or all of the curriculum by stating their objection in writing to the school principal. The law also requires schools "to the extent practicable" to make any materials used for lessons on human sexuality available for review by parents, guardians and others.
Parker argues that the law covers sexual education and any lessons involving human sexuality.
Lexington Superintendent Paul Ash argued in the media that King & King was part of a lesson on different families and therefore it was not the school's responsibility to notify parents.
Seeing these explanations as a loophole in the law, a Waltham-based group called the Parents Rights Coalition is pushing a bill in the state legislature, which would strengthen the law. Under the proposed changes, parents would opt-in to allow their children to attend sex ed classes, assemblies or school programs.
And while they may not agree on the how or the where, experts on both sides of the issue agree that parents should take
the time to talk with their children about human sexuality and their values toward the topic. Once they reach the teenage years, children tend to look toward friends and media outlets for their information, or misinformation. For tips on how to broach the topic with children of different ages, visit www.talkingwithkids. org or www.canwetalk.org.
"We're trying to move people away from the idea that there's a moment where it's right to talk about sexuality," Sathrum said. "It's got to be an ongoing conversation that is part of the family life."
Sarah MacDonald is a Massachusetts-based
freelance writer.
